The Two Pieces of Communication

Season 1 - Episode 3

A number of years ago, I was in a car with a very good friend. We were talking about communication in our business and personal lives.

My friend turned to me and said, “The key to a good relationship is communication”. I replied, “That’s crap, I can tell you two things right now that are more important than communication”.

He kinda gave me this stare of disbelief as we have all heard that about relationships and communication.

Usually this is said in reference to a marriage. What I have found thought is that when somebody says that is the key to a good marriage then they typically already have a good marriage, because if that is what you need to fix it than it is actually a great marriage. I proceeded to tell my friend that the two more important things are:

Trust & Perspective
From that comes a lot of thoughts on how one communicates. How trust comes from truth and how perspective is intertwined with truth.

Today we are going to talk about a couple of different angles of those two pieces of communication.

In order to be an influential leader, a great sales person, to have good relationships you much communicate with each other on an in-depth level. Must be diligent. Have to be eager to understand.

One has to present themselves as present and knowledgeable about what you are talking about. Tested and trained by trial. As in business one must be trained in the product, accountants on finance, on terms within the subject, etc. You must be sure to be well trained as to not be embarrassed or ashamed. You must be able to handle your words and actions correctly.

You need to be able to correctly and adequately be able to have your words and your actions be the same. You must be able to hand over the truth of what the want to know and what they need to know. This is important in every communication. Especially in sales and leadership. You also cannot over talk. Avoid idle, useless, vain communication.

Typically that kind of talk just leads to getting yourself into trouble.

We are going to start today with PERSPECTIVE. We must start here to have to have this kind of diligence and to accurately divide words and actions. To have the other person understand you and you them you must learn what their perception is. Can you put yourself in their shoes? Can you view the world from their point, their perspective? This is not when you first meet. You do not know them well enough initially.

The Angel is in the Angle. If the devil is in the detail, well the angel is in the angle. He is in the perspective. An example is quoting the Bible to some as if it is the truth, but that person does not believe in the Bible. Than you might as well be quoting Moby Dick to them.

There are two parts to perspectives. The first one is your’s. Once you know your perspective can you take a lowly position with it? Even if you are a scholar in the field can you put it in the back row? Can you care more about what your client wants and needs? Their perspective? That is the second one, their perspective.

I have a friend that is a pastor and he was counseling this couple. As he was telling me about it he mentioned that counseling is 60/40. Sixty percent of everything they say they can agree on. But he said this couple was 95/5. It was as if they were not even in the same room or conversation. I asked him how did he solve this and he explained that he had asked if it would be okay to talk to people and family that knew them. And try to get a bit closer to the the reality. And with that he was able to understand them both a bit more.

My point is perspective is sometimes skewed. It is so important to know what your reality is and also what their’s is. Are you looking at it from the right angle? Being that angel is in the angle.

The second step in communication is Disclosure.

At the core disclosure is about the discussion of truth versus honesty. Disclosure can also be manipulative or lying. What we are focusing on is truth versus honesty. How much do we say about a situation or presentation? We never have time to say a 100% of the facts or details. So it is important to decide what we do, and maybe more importantly, what we do not say. The sin of ommission is very important. So you must know what they want and need to know.

Knowing and acting on the truth is the key.

We see this all the time in politics. The problems in politics are so complicated and difficult that it seems that two from different sides of the table can be saying the things that are so opposite yet true. That is why I always find that figures can lie and liars can figure. In politics especially, if someone gets caught in a bold face lie, it is a big deal because there are so many perspectives at play. So much to disclose. It shows a lot about their character.

I found out a long time ago that if it is at all possible you want to play golf with your clients. Because it is all about disclosure. Playing golf people are spending time together away from the office. It is a way to get to know your clients on a personal level and build a relationship. A personal observation is that the way a person plays golf is typically how they do business.

An example: One guy I played with would never move his ball after it had landed. He would not change anything. The other guy would be less strict and use his foot to nudge it making minor adjustments to where his ball lied making it an easier shot for himself. As I got to know them both and worked with them I observed how they did their business exactly the same way. It was disclosed in how the played golf. The two main pieces of communication are perspective and disclosure.

I want to close by saying this, Truth will set you free. But, by understanding someone’s perspective and how much they disclose ~ and you disclose ~ will determine whether you can help set them free.

Till the next time, have a wonderful day.

Doug Soltis has worked in sales and marketing for over 30 years with a vision of revolutionizing the sales industry through Rock Solid Selling. He refined his skill-set while working for companies like 3M, Northwestern Mutual, and Mead, where he underwent some of the best sales and marketing training available.

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